Check Your Five
I’m a person who questions things. Everything. I love
cracking things open and exploring them. Recently I have been thinking a lot
about those within our circle of influence.
I heard something about 22 years ago that made a significant
impact on my life. At a motivational business conference the speaker paraphrased Jim Rohn, saying, "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with."
wow.
A lot of information was shared on that weekend but I walked away with just that phrase. It was enough to begin a significant transformation within me. When I examined those 5 people I had to take a hard look. If I had been asked who I thought influenced me I would have picked VERY different people. The reality that the people who influence me are not the people I want, or wish, but are the people I spend time with everyday. Your circle of influence is NOT the people you love most. It's not the people you feel closest to emotionally. It's about time.
I spent time with an alcoholic, a gambler, someone who was depressed, a co-dependent and an atheist who was having an affair. Those people were not living their best life. They weren't pursuing goals or dreams. They weren't on a search for who Christ was calling them to be or trying to build a life on a rock of faith. They lied with ease, thought the worst of others and complained without ceasing about their circumstances. Their financial situations were undesirable, their personal relationships were toxic and in ALL their stories they were the victims.
Honest Assessment is hard. Being able to honestly and fairly evaluate the people you have selected to be in your most inner circle is not easy work. Harder still is evaluating our own character.
The time you spend matters because it is your environment and it is what feeds and fuels you. You can not expect to grow healthy fruit in a pool of toxic sludge.
wow.
A lot of information was shared on that weekend but I walked away with just that phrase. It was enough to begin a significant transformation within me. When I examined those 5 people I had to take a hard look. If I had been asked who I thought influenced me I would have picked VERY different people. The reality that the people who influence me are not the people I want, or wish, but are the people I spend time with everyday. Your circle of influence is NOT the people you love most. It's not the people you feel closest to emotionally. It's about time.
I spent time with an alcoholic, a gambler, someone who was depressed, a co-dependent and an atheist who was having an affair. Those people were not living their best life. They weren't pursuing goals or dreams. They weren't on a search for who Christ was calling them to be or trying to build a life on a rock of faith. They lied with ease, thought the worst of others and complained without ceasing about their circumstances. Their financial situations were undesirable, their personal relationships were toxic and in ALL their stories they were the victims.
Honest Assessment is hard. Being able to honestly and fairly evaluate the people you have selected to be in your most inner circle is not easy work. Harder still is evaluating our own character.
The time you spend matters because it is your environment and it is what feeds and fuels you. You can not expect to grow healthy fruit in a pool of toxic sludge.
Birds of a Feather
Cliches become cliches because they are often rooted in truth. Birds of a feather, flock together. You won't see swallows and geese flocking together. Migratory birds don't caravan, they stay with their own. So to it is with us.People struggling with addictions want to be with other addicts or codependents. They don't want to hang out with healthy, active people sacrificing for goals. People who define their life by their struggles, their difficulties and their victimhood do not want to hang out with people who have lifted themselves out of victimhood into vibrant new life. Whatever the circumstance whether it is one of a healthy perspective or one of misery you will find people surrounding themselves with others like them. You don't "fall" in with the wrong crowd. You seek them out.
Commiserating feels like comfort. It is sometimes, for a moment or two. We want to know we aren't alone. We feel great comfort in hearing that our difficulties are normal, common, relatable parts of life. The problem with commiseration is the root word is misery. Immersing yourself in your own misery or the misery of others will not improve your life. The etymology of the word literally means to feel misery and wretched with someone. It's not healthy to do this for long.
The 5 people you spend the most time with influence you the most. The influence however goes beyond the inner circle. According to a study of Cardiovascular Health and related risk factors. If a friend of yours becomes obese, you yourself are 45 percent more likely to gain weight over the next two to four years. More surprisingly, however, researchers Christakis and Fowler found that if a friend of your friend becomes obese, your likelihood of gaining weight increases by about 20 percent — even if you don’t know that friend of a friend. The effect continues one more person out. If a friend of the friend of your friend develops obesity, you are still 10 percent more likely than random chance to gain weight as well.
The study goes on to demonstrate this same pattern with other health factors like smoking as well as positive impacts on our lives, like whether or not your close friends are happy. If your friends are happy with their life you are 6% more likely to be happy with your life.
We have to look at the company we are choosing. We also have to look at our influence on those around us. Are we making a positive impact on those in our inner circle? How are we contributing to their misery or happiness?
You have to change the way you think if you ever want to change your life. ALL of the events and circumstances in our life that influence are not nearly as important as how we react to them. It is not about what happens to us, it is ALL about how we react.
How we react flows from how we think. How we think is directly and dramatically impacted by the people with whom we surround ourselves.
If you want more. If you want better. If you want healthier, happier, more prosperous lives then you have to roll up your sleeves and do some hard work. Look around and begin to think about Your Five, have you found your tribe?
I hear this often now. Finding your tribe. I have found mine. I love the term. Who is in your tribe? Have you populated it with people who share all your shortcomings and challenges? People who make you feel better about being, doing and settling for less? You'll be comfortable there. Very comfortable, and you will quite likely remain there. If that's what you desire then I am not here to tell you otherwise.
But if you want more, then you have to seek a tribe you may not be entirely comfortable with. You have to look for mentors, accountability. You want to find people who have something you want from life and learn from them.
We have to look at the company we are choosing. We also have to look at our influence on those around us. Are we making a positive impact on those in our inner circle? How are we contributing to their misery or happiness?
You have to change the way you think if you ever want to change your life. ALL of the events and circumstances in our life that influence are not nearly as important as how we react to them. It is not about what happens to us, it is ALL about how we react.
How we react flows from how we think. How we think is directly and dramatically impacted by the people with whom we surround ourselves.
If you want more. If you want better. If you want healthier, happier, more prosperous lives then you have to roll up your sleeves and do some hard work. Look around and begin to think about Your Five, have you found your tribe?
I hear this often now. Finding your tribe. I have found mine. I love the term. Who is in your tribe? Have you populated it with people who share all your shortcomings and challenges? People who make you feel better about being, doing and settling for less? You'll be comfortable there. Very comfortable, and you will quite likely remain there. If that's what you desire then I am not here to tell you otherwise.
But if you want more, then you have to seek a tribe you may not be entirely comfortable with. You have to look for mentors, accountability. You want to find people who have something you want from life and learn from them.
Amazingly successful people living a good life are usually very happy to lift up others. We lift ourselves when we lift others. It's just one of the many secrets they've learned along the way.
Comments
Post a Comment